Nobody said it was easy. No one ever said it would be this hard.
Those were the lines Chris Martin sang in The Scientist. And now that I’ve been doing One Man Anthem for a year, it’s worth taking a pause and looking back at the journey that was.
I wish it was purely rediscovered passion that brought me here today to write again. Don’t get me wrong. There is no greater joy than immersing yourself in the world of music – how words and melodies can heighten and elevate real life experiences. At the same time, it brings you to a place where you feel just a bit more secure and a little less alone. Sometimes, listening to music becomes the highlight itself.
I remember the rendition of Don’t Look Back in Anger by Coldplay in the Ariana Grande tribute and how it managed to bring me hope and made me smile when I felt a bit defeated. And I was viewing it from YouTube. I can only imagine how cathartic it was for Ariana Grande and people in the crowd who have to live with the aftermath of the attack.
Even today, as I listen to Chester Bennington and One More Light, it makes me realize music’s potential and its power – how much of ourselves are expressed and reflected through what we write, sing along to, or jam with. Maybe it’s the only thing we have.
But even those reflections do not answer why I should continue to write and share my music journey. If I were being honest with myself, a big part of what keeps me going is not wanting to accept the thought that all of the time I invested in the last 365 days are a waste of time. That maybe I’m not cut out for the path I said I’d take? That maybe I’m a failure and I made a mistake?
There are a lot of setbacks I’ve had, or at least things I wake up to everyday realizing how much effort it actually takes. I speak English but it doesn’t mean I’m fit to be a writer. Music is universal but not everyone sees it the way I do. It takes time and that is finite, both for me and my audience. It has to be worth each second for the both of us.
I don’t have an answer. And until I do, I will keep on writing and not give up. I’m driven, full of pride and risk averse. Until I’ve conclusively weighed everything and I’ve definitively answered the question, I continue to fight and soldier on.
Year 2, here I come. As Taylor Swift asks in her latest, are you ready for it?