Playlist: Not-so-Super Superstar Collabs

Is it just me or are most singles today collaborations? Don’t get me wrong. A lot of magic has been created since Nelly and Kelly Rowland joined forces. But sometimes, fans are suckers and having two sets of suckers often increase a song’s chance of breaking out. Here are 15 collaborations I thought would break chart records but ended up breaking nothing but my expectations. The sum of the whole is not always greater than the sum of the parts.

Birthday Cake by Rihanna and Chris Brown

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I love Rihanna but sometimes I can’t understand her. She’s that friend you keep on reminding to let go of the toxic and abusive relationship she’s in. But for reasons beyond my comprehension, she keeps on coming back to a drug I know she’s better off without. And I just get exhausted and hope she wakes up one day realizing no one is worth destroying yourself over. No matter how controversial this pairing is, I’m kind of relieved the collaboration tanked.

Homecoming by Kanye West and Chris Martin

There was a time when Kanye was not crazy and Chris Martin did not get flack for being mainstream. Back then, the two geniuses collaborated on “Homecoming”. The contrast in their musical styles works perfectly to amplify the bittersweet nature of leaving everything and everyone behind in pursuit of your dreams. The intensity in Kanye’s rapping and warmth in Chris’s voice is the combination that brings you closer to home.

Up Out My Face by Mariah Carey and Nicki Minaj

While you’ve probably never heard of it, Mariah and Nicki collaborated back in 2010. It’s amusing to think they joined forces before to take a jab at men who were not worth their times. Flash forward a few years later, they would feud in every single episode of American Idol. Even that collaboration didn’t work.

Control Myself by LL Cool J and Jennifer Lopez

After the success of “All I Have”, I’m not surprised that LL Cool J and J Lo decided to re-unite for another track. Of course, I imagined it would be for another ballad. Instead, they decided to rock the boat and make a club jam instead. The change in trajectory was admirable. The sound that came out became alienating for its time.

My Life by 50 Cent, Adam Levine and Eminem

50 Cent wanted to top “In da Club” before retiring from the music scene. What better way to secure his ambition than to team up with Eminem and Adam Levine? Even today, the clubs have not forgotten about his debut single and plays it when the crowd calls for a throwback. Most, however, would not remember this. Are you even aware it existed?

Beautiful Liar by Shakira and Beyonce

Everybody remembers “Beautiful Liar” but  there was something restrained and understated about the track. Admit it, it felt underwhelming when it was released. I cannot imagine Beyonce releasing another track in this direction, or even performing the song live. The same tragedy would happen years later when Shakira teamed up with Rihanna for “Can’t Remember to Forget You”.

Another Way to Die by Alicia Keys and Jack White

It’s almost like all 007-inspired singles are meant to not click with the general public. While Adele and Sam Smith would garner accolades for their contribution to the Bond music legacy, Alicia Keys and Jack White would get roasted for it. If they came in after Adele resurrected the acclaim to the franchise’s soundtrack, they might have just gone and won awards themselves. In my opinion that will likely not be shared, this is miles better than “Skyfall” or “Writings on the Wall”.

Work It by Nelly and Justin Timberlake

If any song deserves credit for making collaborations popular, it would have to be “Dilemma” by Nelly and Kelly Rowland. And if Kelly Rowland’s popularity is nowhere close to Justin Timberlake’s, then it’s a no-brainer that “Work It” should destroy and annihilate any song it comes across. Unfortunately, no one got worked up about it and for good reason. It was just dull and uninspired.

Pretty Girls by Britney Spears and Iggy Azalea

Britney was supposed to make a comeback and Iggy needed some damage control after a successful debut but controversial finish. While it wasn’t meant to challenge Plato’s world views, “Pretty Girls” was intended to re-establish their relevance in popular music. Instead, it ended up being a blame game between the two artists for the song’s underwhelming chart performance.

Half of My Heart by John Mayer and Taylor Swift

Taylor Swift and John Mayer ended bitterly and wrote songs about the end of the relationship. It’s hard to picture they used to sing together about half of their hearts – believing the love affair will last. “Half of My Heart” gives us vocals, although little, from Taylor Swift. This contribution is more than the vocals she apparently lent and I’m still trying to hear from “This is What You Came for”, another track from another ex.

Revolver by Madonna and Lil Wayne

What I don’t understand about Madonna in the last decade is why she keeps on pairing up with hip-hop artists. Except for “4 Minutes”, all their inclusions have made the songs unbearable and have not increased her reach. Lil Wayne’s verses in “Revolver” are at best unnecessary, and at worst, atrocious.

Bubble Butt by Major Lazer, Bruno Mars, Mystic, Tyga and 2 Chainz

Bruno Mars can do no wrong. Or could he?  Many of the topnotch collaborations released in the past few years have benefited significantly from his ethereal voice – “Billionaire”, “Nothin’ on You”, “Lighters” and “Uptown Funk”. While he can be forgiven for “Bubble Butt”, the song can never be forgotten. This happened before Major Lazer broke out and I guess that’s a good thing.

Incredible by Celine Dion and Ne-Yo

Celine Dion’s ballads dominated the 90s. And this extended to the collaboration sphere. Think of “Tell Me” or “I’m Your Angel”. But she has not had much commercial success since. In a bid to captivate current audiences, she updated her sound with Ne-Yo. While the song would’ve been incredible two decades ago, it unfortunately didn’t catch on.

Beautiful by Enrique Iglesias and Kylie Minogue

The track sounds so auto-tuned that it takes away any beauty in “Beautiful”. Here are two of the hottest singers in my lifetime, managing to make love sound manufactured and robotic. It made hearts colder. Where is the Kylie Minogue responsible for “Especially for You”?

Just a Fool by Christina Aguilera and Blake Shelton

In another judge pair-up attempting to re-establish relevance, Christina paired up with Blake Shelton for “Just a Fool”. You couldn’t make out if the sound was country or pop, but it undoubtedly showcased Christina’s vocal chops. While Blake Shelton has garnered an insurmountable amount of country success because of the show, Christina was a fool to think the show and collaborating with co-coaches would be enough. She even did one with Cee Lo Green and that one went by and no one noticed.

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